


Of Emojis and Aubergines

by gingergallifreyan



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Texting, tentoosday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 02:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergallifreyan/pseuds/gingergallifreyan
Summary: The Doctor has a bit of a misunderstanding about emojis and their helpful uses.





	Of Emojis and Aubergines

**Author's Note:**

> For Tentoosday, February 2019. 
> 
> C'mon, you knew someone was going to use it in a fic sometime. Might as well be me.

The Doctor huffed as he buttoned his blue jacket.

“What?” Her newspaper ruffled as she turned the page. Rose was in her usual place at the table, sipping her coffee and scanning the morning paper.

“Do I have to go to all those meetings today?”

“Yes. All new recruits have to go through training. Even I had to, and I'm the boss’s daughter.”

“But—but I’m the Doctor. I was part of UNIT in the old universe.”

“I know, but this is a new universe. Human resources can't exactly call the other UNIT to get your verification of employment.”

“Technically it’s not new.”

“New for you.”

“Can’t I just stay with you today?”

"No. You can’t work until you satisfy HR's requirements. You can't just keep using my badge. You've lost two already.”

“But I’m not human, Rose. They know that. So why do I have to follow the requirements of human resources?”

“Part-human.”

“So I should only have to meet part of the requirements. I should be able to pick and choose.”

She grinned. “Did you argue that with them?”

“I did.”

“And did it work?”

“No.”

She giggled. “Okay, so go. It’s just one day, Doctor. And then next one won’t happen for a month, so unless you’d like to be stuck on your own every day for the next few weeks, you need to go. They won’t let you into your lab without it.”

He groaned. “Fine.”

“If you’re really good and don’t cause a commotion, we’ll do something special later, yeah?”

“Can we go for ice cream?”

“We’ll go for ice cream if you like.”

“Oh, goody.”

She stood to meet him, patting his chest. “You’re such a child. Come on, let’s go hop on the Tube.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“Of course. ‘S what makes you the Doctor.” She tugged on his lapels and his lips eagerly met hers. “Maybe we can meet for lunch, yeah?”

“And we’re still getting ice cream later?”

“Yes, yes, we’re still getting ice cream.”

\--

Honestly, he was bored out of his mind. Why did he need to watch a video on sexual harassment? The only person he was into sexually was Rose.

Then something piqued his interest; the video mentioned texting etiquette. “Monitor your electronic communications. Don’t send your co-worker the eggplant emoji.”

Why, though? Eggplants were kind of disgusting, in his opinion. How could that possibly be offensive sexually? He pulled out his mobile and scrolled through the emojis until he found the one in question.

What the hell, he was bored, so he pulled up his conversation with Jackie and typed one in. Shortly after, the three dots appeared.

Jackie: _I’ll be nice because I think you meant to send this to Rose, but what you and her get up to in your spare time is your own business. I don’t want or need to know._

Doctor: _Sorry, J. My mistake._

Jackie: _That’s what I thought. You should be paying attention to your training._

Doctor: _Rose and I will swing by for lunch later._

Jackie: _See you then._

Then he switched to his conversation with Rose and did the same thing.

Rose: _We don’t have time for a quickie at lunch, but the thought of desk sex in my office is appealing. Why have we never had desk sex?  
_

Doctor: _What does that mean?_

Rose: … _You don’t know what a quickie is? Or desk sex?  
_

Doctor: _I'll have you know I'm spectacular at desk sex._ _No, the emoji. Obviously it has a social context I don’t understand yet._

Rose: _We've never had desk sex, so how do I know you're telling the truth?  
_

Doctor: _I'll prove it to you sometime._

Rose: _When have you been having desk sex? Who's been the judge of your quality of desk sex?  
_

Doctor: _Oh, you know. Past me. Another life._

Rose: _Which one?_

Doctor: _Okay, you got me there._

Rose: _Thought as much. If you'd like someone to be the judge of that later, I'd be more than happy to oblige._

Doctor: _I'll be more than happy to demonstrate my skill later._

Rose: _So w_ _here is this question about emojis coming from?_

Doctor: _Sexual harassment training. They said not to text your co-worker that particular emoji._

Rose: _You don’t know what it means?_

Doctor: _What could possibly be sexual about an aubergine emoji? I find eggplant to be less than pleasing. Not quite the level of pears, mind you, but I wouldn’t order one for dinner._

She took a while to respond.

Rose: _Did you send one to Mum? Sorry, I was laughing hysterically for a moment. Don’t ever do that again._

Doctor: _I was conducting an experiment._

Rose: _Seems you need more of an education. That training’s doing you no good._

Doctor: _Can you play teacher? That would certainly be way more fun than what I’m doing right now._

Doctor: _After ice cream?_

Rose: _You and ice cream._

Doctor: _If I’m a very naughty pupil, you'll have to discipline me.  
_

Rose: _God, I missed role playing with you so much._

Doctor: _I miss you so much right now._

Rose: _Still no time for a quickie, sorry. I have to go. See you in a bit. Love_

Doctor: _Love_

\--

He shuffled through his chips with a fork, smirking at Rose’s dousing of hers in vinegar. “So what is it, really?”

“I’m not telling you now, not during the lunch.”

“Is it that bad?”

She shrugged. “If you really wanted to know, you could just Groogle it on your own.”

“I suspect it would be more fun to learn from you.”

“Which is why I’m not telling you during lunch. You can simmer in anticipation the rest of the day.”

He grinned. "Oo, simmer in anticipation. I like that."

"I like my Doctor simmered in anticipation. Gives you a little something extra."

"Like vinegar on chips."

"Exactly like vinegar on chips."

\--

Ice cream consumed, the Doctor locked the door of their flat behind them. “Is it time for my education, Professor Tyler?”

“The bedroom will be my lecture hall.”

“Ah, most excellent. I shall grab my notepad and be prepared to take notes.”

“Not really needed.” She took his hand and pulled. “Let’s just go. We’re not really role-playing.”

“Would it still be alright to say I’m hot for teacher?”

“Yes.” She grinned, her tongue caught between her teeth.

\--

They both groaned as she slid off of him, and she snuggled into his side.

“That was… mind-blowing. Thank you,” he said. “Putting me on simmer was a great idea."

"I thank you," she quipped.

"But I’m still confused as to how that has anything to do with an eggplant.”

“I love your eggplant, Doctor.”

He lifted his head and examined himself. “My what?”

She giggled. “It’s a euphemism for penis.”

His eyebrows raised. “Oh, the shape of it! In that case, I’m very glad you enjoy my eggplant. Feel free to enjoy it any time you like.”

“Think of it as the Bat Signal, except it’s for sex.”

“A whole new world has been opened to me. I can’t say I’m surprised, what with you humans and your penchant for making everything sexual.”

“You don’t really mind, though.”

“Nah, I benefit greatly from it. Any other sexual emojis I should know about before I send them to your mother on accident?”

“Totally.” She reached for her mobile and held it up for both of them to see, and they spent the rest of the evening giggling and creating sexual emoji codes of their own.


End file.
